Today was really a bittersweet day for me.
It was my last day as a caregiver for my friend Lynne. Even though I only do it one day a week, I have been doing it for 6 years.
We have been friends since college...that makes it 63 years of Life and being in each other's lives. Lynne is totally blind in one eye since birth and has only 20% vision in the other.
She is an amazing person. She was a nursery school and kindergarten special resource teacher, a wife and a mother of 2. We have gone to the same churches, had parties together and always enjoyed going out to eat. I'm 81 and she is 84...We are both a bit long in the tooth.
Lynne would be horrified if she knew how her life has declined because of Alzheimers. She doesn't know me 99.9% of the time, nor does she really know her daughter. She really can't do anything on her own any longer.
The time has come for me to not be over there every Friday. I can't lift her or care for her the way she needs it now. We still chat...me mostly...and try to talk about the good old days, which she enjoys but most of it is long gone now.
I am glad that Karen (her daughter) has nurses and more qualified attendants now but it is truly difficult.
This is my friend Lynne today .. in her wheelchair. At least she can be in her own home (for now)
I often wonder what's going on in her mind ... Her grasp of language is getting less too, though sometimes I can say .. Lynne tell me a story and she will say things that I believe are from her past.
We sing hymns and old gospel music all the time and she has got the melodies down pat..the words not so much.
So its One Day at a Time Sweet Jesus
Always be Grateful
Always be Kind
9 comments:
What a precious friendship. How sad that she cannot share the joy of your friendship at this time of life with a clear mind. One of the things that make us long for heaven, is no more illness, sickness, depression and these deceases that take the mind. You are a true and faithful friend, so the reunion in heaven will be so delightful. Loving you servant heart.
My heart breaks for you both. You are a true friend to her. I am sorry. Thank you for sharing the story with us.
How heartbreaking to see your friends decline. Alzheimer's is such a cruel disease.
Oh, dear sweet Sue, I can imagine how you must be feeling. Yes, bittersweet. You've certainly given her your best, and I believe deep inside she knows it and appreciates what you've done, but she can't begin to express that anymore. I totally understand about the not being able to lift her or do the things she needs to have done for her anymore. We went through that with first, my mother, and then my father, and then my mother in law. Thankfully, however, none of them ever got to the point where they didn't know who we were, but their lives just became much too complicated for us to be the sole caregivers anymore. Thankfully both my parents were able to stay in their home until they passed, but that was a monumental and expensive effort to keep caregivers there when no one from the family could be there. It became a huge sacrifice on the part of several of us family members to be able to manage things for them. With my mother in law we shared her care with my husband's brother and wife until it became too difficult for either of us and she had to go to a home, but she actually thrived there and loved it! So it worked out for the best. Every situation is different. We all do what we can until we can't do it anymore and then we have to "let go and let God" take over...and He always does. He loves them even more than we do. Thank you for your love for your friend. She is certainly blessed to have you as her friend. Now perhaps you can just go occasionally to just visit and sing songs with her. They say music and hearing is the last thing to go (unless they are hard of hearing, of course) My daddy loved to sing hymns with us and to listen to music all the time. My MIL too. She would go to sleep listening to different gospel groups that she loved. It was very comforting to her. You may want to make sure her caregivers are aware that she loves to hear gospel music/hymns, and maybe they can find some for her to hear. Thank you for sharing her story with us. Praying for her comfort, and for you to be at peace in your heart that you have truly done your part and you are a wonderful friend.
God bless your friend and God bless you, Sue. Alzheimer’s is so cruel!
You are a good friend, Sue. You can still be her friend but now in a different capacity with someone else lifting her and tending to her needs. No one, I’m sure expected you to do so much other than be her friend.
It’s so hard when we see our friends forgetting things and we wonder if they are in the beginning stages of a type of dementia. We’ve noticed a friend that both my husband and I are concerned about. All we can do is pray.
Big hugs to you!
Your recollections bring tears to my eyes, Sue. What's that saying, "There, but by the grace of God go I." I'm lifting a prayer right now for the peace that surpasses all understanding -- for you both.
You were a blessing to her for all those years, and a special blessing for these years of helping care for her. I'm so sorry for what Alzheimers has done to her. It's such a hard disease and I think it's often harder on the family than the patient.
I am so sorry. She has been very blessed to have you, I know you are a bright light in her life. Alzheimer's is awful, I watched my grandmother suffer from it.
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